Cannot Replace Mothers and Fathers

 
Some say brothers cannot replace mothers and fathers. My mother called after he had left and said, 'I'm not there, so your brother will take his anger out on you. Try to remember that he is mad at me, not you.' ...I found my brother hunched over his
 

In many families, it can be common for children to step into caretaker roles for their younger siblings or cousins. This can happen in immigrant families, in Asian American families, and any other family where the adult parents are unable to be present (whether it’s due to work, incarceration, visa difficulties, or any other reason). This can have a profound impact on the family system and in the intepersonal dynamics of a family. Not only that, it can also have significant effects on the children, whether they are the caretaker in charge, or they are being cared for by a sibling. The child in the role of caretaker may experience a profound pressure and burden that can feel too heavy for their child frame. The child being cared for may experience the absence of the parent as a reflection of who they are as a person (such as “I’ve been abandoned by mom/dad because I’m a bad kid,” “They don’t want me”). It must be clearly stated that it is not an inherently ‘bad’ thing to grow with those roles in your own childhood. Regardless, if you grew up in similar dynamics in your childhood home, it is important to take the time to process through that chapter of your life. Is this something you lived through? What role were you in? How did you see yourself at that time? How did you see your siblings?

If you would like to explore these ideas further in therapy, please contact us to schedule a free consultation.

IntergenerationalJi Eun KoComment