Anxiety Driven Perfectionism
Impacts of Perfectionism
Perfectionism - it’s an epidemic that’s alive and well in our community. Especially if you come from Asian American or other cultural communities that only accept high level of performance, Perfection in everything you do may seem like the only option. Perfectionism can influence everything we do - from striving for ‘flawless’ careers, to maintaining/presenting picture-perfect lives - and many of us get caught by the unattainable demands of Perfectionism. Of course, aiming for excellence is not a bad thing, that’s why we say “shoot for the stars!”. But the constant need to achieve unattainable standards of Perfection can also often lead to anxiety, stress, dissatisfaction with ourselves and the world, and even low sense of self worth. As flawed human beings, Perfection is not achievable - and if our expectation is that we will always be Perfect, that’s just another way of saying, we will always see ourselves as failing to meet our goals.
What is Anxiety Driven Perfectionism?
Anxiety driven perfectionism is the painful intersection between Perfectionism and Anxiety, where we not only set high standards for ourselves, but also experience intense fear and worry about failing to meet these standards. This toxic combination can significantly impact our mental health, leading to chronic stress, low self-esteem, and even depression. Thankfully, it is possible for us to break out of the grip of Perfectionism and Anxiety, and change our relationships with our Perfectionist and Anxiety Parts.
How to Change Our Relationship with Anxiety Driven Perfectionism
Recognize the Signs: The first step in overcoming Anxiety driven Perfectionism is acknowledging its presence in your life. Pay attention to the signs: excessive self criticism, fear of failure, and difficulty delegating tasks can be telltale signs. If you find that you are not satisfied by anything other than your exceedingly high standards, it may be a sign that you are actually expecting Perfection of yourself. By becoming aware of these patterns, you can begin to understand the root causes of your Perfectionism and what you can do about them.
Challenge Unrealistic Standards: Perfectionists often set impossibly high standards for ourselves, leading to a constant sense of failure and inadequacy. You can only imagine - if Perfect is the only goal, everything else will be a failure. Challenge these unrealistic standards by asking yourself whether they are truly attainable and necessary. Learn to embrace the concept of “good enough” and recognize that perfection is subjective and unachievable. Also… it is literally and physically impossible to be Perfect!
Practice Self Compassion: Cultivate self compassion by treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially in moments of perceived failure or imperfection. Instead of harsh self criticism, offer yourself words of encouragement and support. Rather than blaming yourself for being imperfect, embrace your imperfect nature and your human limitations. Remember that making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process, and being imperfect does not diminish your worth as a person.
Set Realistic Goals: Break down your larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks that are attainable and realistic. For example, instead of expecting yourself to run a marathon tomorrow, maybe your goal can be to go outside and jog for 5 minutes. This approach not only reduces feelings of overwhelm but also allows you to celebrate small victories along the way. Focus on progress rather than Perfection and celebrate the effort you put into achieving your goals.
Challenge Catastrophic Thinking: Anxiety driven Perfectionism often involves catastrophic thinking, where we imagine the worst case scenarios of our ‘mistakes’. Challenge these catastrophic thoughts by examining the evidence and considering more balanced perspectives. Pause and reflect: are these worst case scenarios really grounded in reality, or are we living in a land of catastrophe? Remind yourself that mistakes are not catastrophic and that you have the resilience to overcome challenges.
Practice Mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness techniques into your daily routine to cultivate present moment awareness and reduce anxiety. Mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and body scans can help you become more grounded and centered, allowing you to let go of Perfectionist tendencies and embrace the beauty of imperfection.
Seek Support: Don’t be afraid to reach out for support from friends, family members, or a therapist. Talking to others about your struggles with Anxiety driven Perfectionism can provide validation and perspective. The power of “I go through that too” or “I totally relate, I feel like that too sometimes” can be so soothing, healing, and reassuring for our Perfectionist Parts. In addition, professional therapy can offer specialized guidance and strategies for relating to our Perfectionist parts in different ways.
Celebrate Progress: Celebrate your progress, no matter how small it may seem. Recognize and acknowledge the steps you’ve taken to change your relationship with Perfectionism, and acknowledge that those are moments to be celebrated. Each moment of self compassion and self awareness brings you closer to breaking free from the impossible expectations of Anxiety driven Perfectionism, and that is something worth celebrating.
Practice Acceptance: Embrace the concept of “radical acceptance” by acknowledging that Perfection is an illusion and that imperfection is an inherent part of the human experience. Being imperfect means that you are human, and being human is a beautiful and precious experience. Let go of the need to control every outcome, to be Perfect in everything you to do have value, and accept yourself exactly as you are, flaws and all.
Focus on What Truly Matters: Perfectionist Parts often believe that value and worth comes from being Perfect. If that’s you, rather than using Perfection as the ruler to define value, shift your focus to other things, like meaningful connections with others, personal growth, and overall wellbeing. Cultivate gratitude for the blessings in your life and prioritize activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
At the End of the Day
At the end of the day, overcoming Anxiety driven Perfectionism is a journey that requires patience, self awareness, and most importantly, self compassion. By challenging unrealistic standards, treating ourselves with kindness, and seeking support when needed, you can change your relationship with Perfectionism and Anxiety. Things can shift to bring you a more balanced and fulfilling way of living, rather than feeling like you are always ‘failing’ because you are not Perfect. Remember that being human is to be imperfect. If you find that it’s hard to shift your relationship with Perfectionism on your own, please reach out for a free phone consultation.