What Do I Do in a World Divided?

No matter what you believe, seems like the one thing everybody can agree with is that The Division in this country is deeply entrenched and painful.

The events at the Capitol this past week have communicated to all of us just how pervasive those differences are, and how the actions of someone on ‘the other side’ can be so hurtful to us. Not only because of the actions, but because of what those actions communicate to us about the state of our country.

I wish I had the answers that would solve the pain we are experiencing. But, as a therapist, I know that many things do not have simple solutions. The human experience is so vibrant, dynamic, alive, it needs to be approached with that complexity, rather than approaching it like a mathematical proof. 

First, as always, it’s important for us to acknowledge and validate our experiences. This may be hard to do, especially when we’re reckoning with something seemingly so big and painful. But if we don’t acknowledge what we are experiencing, it’s impossible to take next steps. It might be that you are experiencing shell shock, that your emotions have not been able to emerge from the rubble of a shattered foundation. If that’s the case, be patient and gentle. Don’t give up on those emotions waiting to emerge, and help uncover them, rather than leaving them abandoned underneath the rubble. When you do find them, acknowledge them as important, as valid, and as necessary. That whatever your emotions are, remember that there is no ‘right or wrong’ emotional response, just the one that IS and the one that you have. Welcome them and allow them to exist in your inner world.

Then, be curious about them. Why are these the emotions you experience? What in your environment are these emotions responding to? Regardless of whether you watched the Capitol with horror or excitement, be curious why these specific emotions came up for you. Your emotions are trying to tell you something, listen to them. Nobody else can hear what they have to say, only you can. And what they have to share with you is valuable. 

While we’re going through the process of learning from our emotions, if there’s any part of you that vilifies those on the ‘other side’, listen to that part of you too. Why is it doing that? What about their actions and beliefs is affecting you, and why are they influencing your experience? What can you learn about yourself and the tender parts of your experiences by listening to the part of you that is hurt by what you see?

Be kind with your expectations, whether they are of yourself or others. If you feel shaken to the core, it’s not kind to expect yourself to be 100% a few days later. If someone is grieving the loss of a loved one, you would never tell them to ‘get over it’ three days later. Rather, you would be kind, empathetic, nurturing, and maybe even drop off some food. If you are going through grief or intense emotions, treat yourself that same way - as someone that needs nurturance to emotionally recover, rather than someone who needs to snap out of it. And, if you have the resources, try to extend that same compassion to others. And be kind and understanding if you don’t have the resources to spare.  

I do not have an answer to systemic racism. I can’t absolve the pain that many of us are experiencing. But I do know how important it is to be kind to ourselves, and you do too. Especially in times like these when the events of our country seem like glaring neon arrows pointing straight to the pain in our country. So while I don’t have the solutions for the political strife in this country, I can support you in navigating through it as best as can be possible. And tell you that I am sorry for what you are going through, and I hope you take the time to be with yourself.