Coping with Holiday Stress Part 1 - Why Are They So Stressful?
The holiday season can be a stressful time under normal circumstances, and this year, there’s unprecedented kinds of stressors bearing down on what is meant to be a joyous time of year. As we approach the holiday season, understanding the different factors that could create a stressful holiday experience can prepare us to be compassionate and kind to ourselves and others during this season.
COVID-19
One not-so silent elephant in the room is the COVID-19 pandemic. What started almost a year ago as a disease that was affecting different parts of the world is now a crisis that has disrupted life on a global scale. Just like in-person schools, dining in crowded restaurants, and traveling on an airplane, the holiday season is no exception to the reach of the pandemic.
Because of COVID-19, maybe you'll be seeing your family virtually or not even see them this year. Also, the general stress of COVID-19, such as career insecurity, financial instability, and physical and mental health concerns, could compound the holiday stress.
Election Year
The election is past us, but 2020 remains an election year, and a very contentious and divisive one at that. As the country begins to settle to the upcoming political transition, it can evoke different feelings and responses in each individual. How you feel about the outcome of the election may be very different than how your dad or sibling feels about it. Politics can always be a tender topic in family gatherings, but this year, politics seem poised to be a divisive topic that can poison any conversation or holiday gathering.
Even before the pandemic, there are always regular stress triggers around this time of year.
Difficult Family Relationships
Not all family relationships are helpful or healthy for you. During the holiday season, you might be expected to spend time with people that have vastly different values than you, people that have deeply hurt you, or people you'd prefer to avoid. Regardless of how they make you feel, it’s a time of year that society is expected to “make nice” with everyone, which can be a very stressful experience.
Financial Stress
Nowadays, the holidays seem synonymous to consumerism and spending. Whether you are a parent, a relative, a partner, a friend, or a colleague, there are certain holiday expectations to perform and deliver in a way that requires financial commitment. The financial stress to meet the expectations of the important people in your life can get incredibly burdensome, especially when finances have been so uncertain for many of us this year.
Painful Memories and Grief
The holidays are rife with reminders of times gone by. It can remind us of painful and difficult times - maybe you grew up with people who didn’t care much for your wellbeing, or you have vivid memories of wishing things could be different at home. Or maybe you have wonderful holiday memories, but that joy of the season seems so achingly unattainable now. The holidays could also remind us of relationships that have ended - whether by death, by choice, or by necessity. This time of year, it's common for grief to flare up again in full force.
Unending Demands
The holidays can be a logistical nightmare. There are cookies to bake, presents to buy, parties to attend, potlucks to prepare, houses to decorate, trips to be planned, the list can continue on. There are many demands on a holiday season, and though many of those demands are for good things (cookies and presents are not inherently bad things!), they can still be overwhelming when the demands are unceasing.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
We may have all felt this - a slump in energy and vitality as the days get shorter, and it gets dark outside before we finish with work or school. That low energy that comes with the winter may be Seasonal Affective Disorder, or depressive symptoms that are triggered by the changes in season. Those depressive symptoms can be low energy, difficulty sleeping, mood swings, loss of interest, difficulty concentrating, or feeling hopeless, amongst others. However it manifests for you, SAD is a genuine mental health concern that can afflict many people during the holiday season.
Of course, there may be other factors that are contributing to stress during this holiday season, and this is not a comprehensive list. Taking the time to appreciate some of the different stressors can help us be kind to ourselves when we find ourselves overwhelmed with stress, anxiety, or even numbness. Now that we’ve deepened our understanding on why the holidays can be so stressful, you can go to Part 2 to read about what we can do about it.
A version of this piece was initially published in The San Diego Union-Tribune. You can read it here.