Coping with Holiday Stress Part 2 - What Can We Do About It?
Now that we have a better understanding of what creates holiday stress, what can we do about it? Below are a list of things that we can do to go through this holiday season as well prepared as possible.
Learn Your Holiday Triggers
Before going into the full-swing of the holiday season, identify what your specific holiday triggers may be. What about the holiday season is stressful for you? What reminders bring up painful memories? What experiences or situations make you feel irritated, sad, or depressed? Make a list of what those triggers are, so you know you need extra care if you encounter them.
Acknowledge your feelings
Acknowledging your feelings is a crucial part of mental health, including coping with the stress of the holidays. Though it can be second nature to dismiss our feelings as inconsequential nuisances, our emotions are our bodies’s way of communicating. If you feel sad, sit in that emotion and show compassion to the part of you that feels sad. Whatever your feelings are, allow them to stay and give them the space they deserve.
Prioritize and Make a List/Schedule
During this holiday season, accept that you are not superhuman. Instead of trying to do it all, prioritize in a list or schedule to ensure that your limited resources go towards what matters most to you. That way, if you ever feel flustered and overwhelmed, your list or schedule can cut through the jumble in your brain, and help you hone in what needs your attention next.
Be Flexible and Give Self Permission
When you write your list or schedule, remember they are not written in stone. Things are always changing, and priorities can be in flux. Don’t limit yourself to one way things must be accomplished, and rather practice flexibility with what you thought you wanted. Give yourself the permission to not accomplish everything, to be imperfect, to be grieving, to be struggling, to be human.
Set a Budget (and Stick to It)
In the list of human limitations, finances are a big one. There is a finite amount of money we have at any given point, so it’s important to set a budget that makes financial sense. Once you have your budget, refer back to your list of priorities to determine how money can be allotted. At times, it will be tempting to overspend - if you encounter that temptation, remind yourself that this budget is what you decided makes the most sense for you in the big picture.
Seek Peace and Understanding in Conversations
There may be many dinner topics this holiday season that lead to division and hurt feelings. In those tense situations, try to focus your attention on understanding that other person. It’s a core human desire to be understood, and it’s easy to interpret dissenting thoughts as threats to our belief system. Once we feel like someone truly understands us, it allows us to let down our defenses, come from a tender place, and to have a peace-filled conversation.
Set Boundaries
Address anything that feels like a violation of your emotional, mental, and physical boundaries. You can do that by respectfully stating how you feel, by walking away from the situation, or by not exposing yourself to situations where you suspect your boundaries will not be valued. Sometimes it can be hard to balance your own boundaries with family expectations, so it’s important to know how to honor your own boundaries in your specific context.
Practice Self Care
Whatever it is that makes you feel good (in a healthy way), make sure to do lots of it this season. Not only because it will help you cope with the stress and anxiety of the season, but also because you deserve care. Self care items do not have to be extravagant, it can be as simple as an hour with a good book, a clean home, or connection with a loved one. Whatever it is, intentionally pursue them and mindfully enjoy them.
Contact a Therapist
Sometimes, we all need a little extra support in our lives in a way that can’t be fulfilled by your well-meaning friends and family. For some of us, the holidays might be one of those times. Don’t be afraid to contact professional support to be with you through this season. When facing extraordinary stressors, it’s natural to seek extra care and support.
Ultimately, the holidays are an opportunity to seek love, connection, joy, and gratitude. And I hope these items can prepare you to have all of those and more this holiday season. A version of this piece was initially published in The San Diego Union-Tribune. You can read it here.